• How to use

  1. Think about their behaviour/words by Using Observations
     • e.g. “I heard her voice tone go flat and she talked slower”
  2. Think about their Situation that their behaviour is coming from
     • The Direct Observation they may have noticed
       • e.g. “She heard me say I forgot her birthday”
     • The Pure Emotion their behaviour may be expressing
       • e.g. “She may be feeling sad”
     • The Core Need their Pure Emotion may be coming from
       • e.g. “She may be needing connection”
  3. Think about how to describe their Situation
     • e.g. “She heard me say I forgot her birthday, so she may be feeling sad because she needs connection”
  4. Ask them if this what they’re needing right now
     • e.g. “When you heard me say I forgot your birthday, were you feeling sad because you need connection?”
       • If they agree, then continue
       • If they disagree, then observe their reaction, and use this new reaction as you go to step 1 and repeat
  5. Now you understand their Situation

  <aside> 💡 From here, depending on what you or they want to do, you can

  • Continue together to Creating Strategies and Making Effective Requests
  • Expressing Gratitude
  • Connect deeper by talking about more Situations </aside>

• How to train

  To gain experience and level up this skill, you can

  • Notice yourself, and any reaction or opinion you’re having at any moment
    1. Write/type it out, or record yourself saying it
    2. Read/listen to what you just wrote/recorded
    3. Use this skill to recognize what you might be feeling or needing
       • (If you want, you also can show this note/recording to others, to see how they interpret it, too)
    4. Confirm with yourself if this is really what you’re feeling or needing
  • Watch/listen to others (e.g. social media, chat, video, stream, in person, etc)
    1. Listen carefully to what one person is saying/doing
       • The exact words they said
       • Who/what they’re responding/reacting to
    2. Use this skill to recognize what one person might be feeling or needing
       • (You can also write down what they’re doing/saying, then ask others how they interpret the feelings or needs, too)
    3. If possible (and safe to do so), ask the person if they’re really feeling or needing what you’re interpreting
       • If they react unhelpfully, then you can use this skill again for their reaction

• Leveling up

  Your level is equal to the number of checkboxes below that you can do in 80%+ of situations

  Being able to interpret the like, need, or value behind the actions, tone, & words of

  • [ ] Family
  • [ ] Friends
  • [ ] 2nd degree connections (friends of family, friends of friends, etc)
  • [ ] Totally new people
  • [ ] Authorities (parents, teachers, police, etc)

Core Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests

Advanced Skills

1. Confirming Interpretations
2. Recognizing Needs
3. Expressing Gratitude
4. Receiving Gratitude

All CNC Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests
6. Recognizing Needs
7. Confirming Interpretations
8. Expressing Gratitude
9. Receiving Gratitude