• How to use

  1. Start with a Strategy that you want someone to use
     • Creating Strategies
       • e.g. “I would grow as a person if he shared what he thinks is better instead”
  2. Think of a Request (how you will ask them to use your Strategy)
     • e.g. “When you’re having a different opinion, can you share it with me?”
  3. Make sure your Request is effective
     • Remove
       • Non-requests
         • “Yeah, and you’re so smart”
       • Demands
         • “Be nicer”
       • Nonspecific actions
         • “Can you be nicer?”
     • Master
       • Specific actions
         • “If you’re having a different opinion, can you tell me what it is?”
  4. Now you have a Request

  <aside> 💡 From here, if you want to share your Request, then you can

  1. First, share your Situation
     • e.g. “I heard you say ‘You’re dumb’ while looking at me, and I felt sad, because I need to grow as a person”
  2. Second, share your Strategy
     • e.g. “…and what helps me do that is when people share their ideas with me.”
  3. Third, share your Request
     • e.g. "So, if you’re having a different opinion, can you tell me what it is?”
  4. Then, notice how the other person reacts
     • They may be happy to fulfill your Request right away. If this happens, you’re done!
     • Or, they may not yet want to fulfill your Request, until they know their Core Need is fulfilled. If this happens, then you can continue to Recognizing Needs </aside>

• How to train

  To gain experience and level up this skill, you can

  • Remember a Situation you had with someone
    1. Consider
       • Someone you know well
       • Someone you sort of know
       • Someone you don’t like
    2. When you remember a Situation, start a conversation by using this skill
  • Start a conversation with someone new
    1. Consider
       • In-person with someone in a cafe, mall, or other public area
       • Online live in a video call, chat group/server, etc
       • Online delayed in a forum, social media comment, etc
    2. As you continue the conversation, when you notice a Situation, use this skill

• Leveling up

  Your level is equal to the total number of checkboxes below that you can do in 80%+ of situations

  • Being able to quickly make an effective Request to
    • [ ] Family
    • [ ] Friends
    • [ ] 2nd degree connections (friends of family, friends of friends, etc)
    • [ ] Totally new people
    • [ ] Authorities (parents, teachers, police, etc)

Core Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests

Advanced Skills

1. Confirming Interpretations
2. Recognizing Needs
3. Expressing Gratitude
4. Receiving Gratitude

All CNC Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests
6. Recognizing Needs
7. Confirming Interpretations
8. Expressing Gratitude
9. Receiving Gratitude