• How to use

  1. Start with a non-CNC description of a situation
     • e.g. “This guy was being an asshole and I wanted him to go away”
  2. Think of the Direct Observation (something that you might’ve seen, heard, felt, smelt, or tasted) in this situation
     • e.g. “I heard him say ‘You’re dumb’ while looking at me”
  3. Make sure your description is a direct sensory experience
     • Remove

       • Evaluations

         • e.g. “I can see he’s clearly an idiot”

       • Judgements

         • e.g. “I heard him insult me”

       • Telepathy

         • e.g. “He’s lying to me”

       • Generalizations

         Assuming that a specific observation applies to more than the current situation

         • e.g. “You do this all the time”
     • Master
       • Sensory terms
         • e.g. “I heard him say ‘You’re dumb’ while he was looking at me”
       • Uncertainties
         • e.g. “I remember hearing him say ‘You’re dumb’ while looking at me”
       • Specifics
         • e.g. “I remember yesterday I heard him say ‘You’re dumb’ while looking at me”
  4. Now you have an Direct Observation, which is the 1st of 3 parts of a Situation
  5. Continue to Expressing Pure Emotions (2/3)

• How to train

  Here are some things you can do to gain experience and level up this skill

  1. Explore a situation
     • Go through a past or current chat with someone
     • Watch a video, TV show, or movie
     • Listen to a song, podcast, or conversation
  2. Use this skill whenever you
     • Notice yourself feeling comfort, discomfort, or any other Pure Emotion
     • Notice someone else may be expressing comfort, discomfort, or any other Pure Emotion

• Leveling up

  Your level is equal to the total number of checkboxes below that you can do in 80%+ of situations

  • Being able to quickly recognize the observation that triggered your comfort, discomfort, or emotion in any situation with
    • [ ] Family
    • [ ] Friends
    • [ ] 2nd degree connections (friends of family, friends of friends, etc)
    • [ ] Totally new people
    • [ ] Authorities (parents, teachers, police, etc)

Resources

• Marianne van Dijk - Cup of Empathy

  [STOP INTERPRETING PEOPLE! TRY THIS NVC STEP INSTEAD - https://youtu.be/JCZGjLSagk4](https://youtu.be/JCZGjLSagk4)

  STOP INTERPRETING PEOPLE! TRY THIS NVC STEP INSTEAD - https://youtu.be/JCZGjLSagk4

  <aside> 💡 For 3:19 “How do you know for sure that you have an observation,

  I (Sabian) suggest avoiding point #2 that she mentions (”Will the other person agree?”), because it involves trying to predict someone else’s mind, which can create further misunderstanding

  Instead, I recommend using point #1 (”Could a camera [, or microphone, record] this?”), because rather than going deeper into predictions, it instead focuses and grounds you in measurement-based thinking

  </aside>

Core Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests

Advanced Skills

1. Confirming Interpretations
2. Recognizing Needs
3. Expressing Gratitude
4. Receiving Gratitude

All CNC Skills

1. Using Observations
2. Expressing Pure Emotions
3. Sharing Core Needs
4. Creating Strategies
5. Making Effective Requests
6. Recognizing Needs
7. Confirming Interpretations
8. Expressing Gratitude
9. Receiving Gratitude